


I've gone too far.

by Dranacy



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 07:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16614455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dranacy/pseuds/Dranacy
Summary: Ash seems to keep another secret away from Eiji. But Eiji notices that something about him seems odd.





	I've gone too far.

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Self-Harm

It’s been quite a while since their journey began and Eiji starts to notice that something about Ash has changed.  
His jeans are not ripped anymore. He isn’t walking around the flat in his underwear when he comes out of the shower anymore. He sleeps in some sweat pants instead only in his undies.

Eiji got worried. Ash acts all soft and calm around him. Not in the usual way. His new softness is weird and frightening. Everytime Eiji asks how Ash is doing, Ash backs away and puts a smile on his face. It is fake. Is Ash hiding something?

Sometimes when they sit on the sofa and Eiji is watching TV while Ash reads a book, Eiji slowly lays a hand on Ash’s legs causing the blonde to shrug.  
“Please, don’t do this.”, the American asks.  
Maybe it’s due to his bad experiences. Maybe it is some past trauma. Maybe it is something else.  
Eiji is worried.

One day Eiji finds a razor blade covered with blood in the bathroom while Ash is not home.  
Shall he ignore it?

A few nights later Ash is changing into his sweatpants while Eiji pretends to be asleep.  
Eiji bares a look. The view is shocking. Ash’s legs are covered with scars. The oldest ones seem to be only a few weeks old. Some of them are still fresh, still open, still bleeding.  
Eiji wonders how long Ash has been doing this. According to his wounds it cannot be longer than 6 weeks. Still he barely can spot a part of healthy skin on Ash’s thighs. Tears fill the Japanese’s eyes.

“What have you done?”, Eiji asks.  
No reply.  
“Ash?”  
“What is it?”  
“Your upper legs… What have you done there?”  
A few moments which feel forever to Eiji pass until the blonde answers.  
“Self harm.”  
Then Ash lays down in his bed and goes to sleep.

The next morning Ash acts like nothing happened the night before.  
“Ash… You need help.”, Eiji says in a quiet voice.  
“I don’t.”  
“You are cutting yourself.”  
“I do.”  
“Why?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Let me at least take care of your wounds.”

They go to the bathroom and Eiji cleans Ash’s cuts. Some of them are pretty deep.  
“Ash… Please, you need help. This is not normal!”  
“Then tell me Eiji, has my life ever been normal to you?”

Eiji does not know what to say anymore. After placing the last band-aid on one of the smaller cuts, Eiji stands up and hugs Ash really tight.

“I am sorry.”, the Japanese says.

 

A week later Ash is not home when Eiji wakes up although Ash stayed in the night before.  
Eiji gets worried. Since he discovered Ash’s secret he has always been worried to be honest. 

It’s past noon when Ash gets back home.  
Eiji asks where he has been.  
“At the psychologist.” Ash answers.  
The Japanese is a bit relieved.

 

The same night Eiji gets awake in the middle of the night. His thighs hurt like hell. Ash is not laying in his bed. Eiji gets up to look for his soulmate.  
The light in the bathroom is still on.  
It’s 4 a.m.  
Eiji enters the bathroom.  
The scenery is horrible. Ash is sitting at the edge of the bath tub. His sweat pants are on the floor. Ash has a razor blade in his right hand.  
Blood is dripping from his legs onto to the bathroom floor. The tiles are painted in red.  
“Eiji. I’ve gone too far.”, the blonde cries.


End file.
